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Miss Paseo Colorado

Sorry to disappoint you but I didn’t win another beauty pageant. I did however land the job of official correspondent for the ‘Paseo Colorado Shopping Center’ in Pasadena California.  In this little segment I interview the proprietors and staff of The Bodega Wine Bar and El Cholo Mexican Restaurant. I was boracha by the end of the shoot. Had to taste test lots o’ wine and margaritas! BEST JOB EVER!

AOL/HuffPoCeleb

I gots a jobs peeps. YAY! And it’s a steady one at that. Can you believe it? I actually go to an office every day. So bizarreo. How does America do this?
I am officially the writer/host of The Huffington Post and AOL’s “The Celebrity Daily”. It has been about a month now and I am finally in the groove. I often write offensive scripts and have to be toned down, cuz I’m a jerk. But I LOVE every second of it.
I wake up nice and early (not today- I was late..shhhhh) and get to work.  I am my very own Glam Squad so I spend way too much time getting my face painted and hair did. Then I get my story from the NY offices and get to writing.  As soon as my “masterpiece” of nonsense is done I send it back to NY to get their feedback. Sometimes I am tame in my scribing, sometimes not so tame (like today’s piece).

It’s approved and my producer/editor Raj and I head to the studio to shoot this shiznit and the magic happens. Unless its Monday. I am far from magical on Mondays.
I often tell Raj that my entire performance from the writing to the hosting is all dependant on how well my eyelashes go on. Kind of a rule of thumb for life actually. If the lashes go on seamlessly it will be a great day. If not, I’m F-ed. I will most certainly imbibe my future children with that food for thought.
(Did I use ‘imbibe’ correctly? Kind of an awesome word.)
I have found that www.thesaurus.com is my best friend these days. Never thought I would say that out loud but I just did. Actually I didn’t, I wrote it. Okay, just said it out loud so now it’s official.
I also like to use words such as “deets”. As in ” we will get you all the deets.” Yeah its gross but I kind of do it ironically. Kinda.
I also like the expression, “cray cray”.
I really have NO idea why/how they keep me employed. I guess I am good on camera but I am pretty silly. I feel as though celebrity is insane; so why can’t I be insane when celebrating the insanity of it all?

That’s me! Conducting the “Two and a Half Men Orchestra”.  Those boyz get us the most views. Now if only I could say the name Ashton Kutcher without my teeth getting in the way.

Check it out……

http://www.5min.com/Video/Bethenny-Frankels-Mommy-Dearest-517174452

Look Ma!

I Finally made it in Hollywood!
(Well, this was shot in Vermont but close enough)

Nesting.

It never ceases to amaze me what things make me insanely happy.
America’s Funniest Home Videos Marathons,
my dog sneezing,
old family photos of relatives I never met,
baked hand crab rolls…..etc, etc.
I have 2 more things that make me joyful.

First, a stackable washer/dryer!!!!
Finally.
I moved into this house because it had a hook-up.
I was scared to commit. I waited over a year.
I have done loads upon loads in the past 2 days since it’s move in date.

I could write poetry to this pristine white tower I love it so.

And……CURTAINS!!!!
Again, afraid to commit. I figured window treatments meant I was officially living and staying on the West Coast.
The hardware seemed so permanent. I was upset that every neighbor could see me in a robe yet I fought buying them.

I recently stopped fighting myself.

After living here for two years I have conclusively embraced California with a drill and dirty laundry.
Now, I look at my new drapery and appliances and realize I was being a big chicken. Bok Bok.
Sometimes the things I am most scared of end up fulfilling my life.
I need to keep that in mind.

My Break-Up Jeans….

I split the ass. Yup……from one cheek straight through to the other. They were unwearable and I cried. We shared so many moments, so many breakdowns, so many special days together. We grew as a team and got through the worst of times and the best of times.
And now they were more broken than my heart had been some of the days I wore them.
There was no way I was going to let my jeans down. I had to find someone to save them, mend them, put them back together like Humpty Dumpty.  After scouring all of Los Angeles, I finally did.
For an over-the-top, atrocious fee.
I didn’t care. Why you ask?
Because…….these jeans……..mean a lot.
I went through a really sad time in my life a few years back.
I think I wore these jeans every single day.
I moved across the country.
I moved back home, crushed, devastated, destroyed. More destroyed than the softest 12 year old worn denim.
In order to get past the heartbreak I needed intense therapy…that therapy was diving into mindless projects to ease the pain. I painted my Mother’s entire house from top to bottom….. in these jeans.
They still show signs of white splatter. If they didn’t dry so quickly they would also show the many tears cried upon my knees.  That may be why both were torn right the way through.
Disintegrated in fact.
I decided to have the tatted up, specialist denim tailor only stitch up one knee; I wanted the other as a reminder of the endless stomach aches I endured. The restored knee was to remind me how you can be damaged but with a little help and some time the pain heals. Or so my Mom insisted many times as she cradled me when I cried.
Oh, how love can cripple the mighty.
I paid $90 to fix one knee and the split rear end. They technically aren’t even worth half that.
In my heart they are worth thousands.
The best part about these jeans…..there is something quite magical about them.  They mold to my body, regardless of my weight. At my skinniest from the stress of the sadness they fit perfectly. Plump with happiness from a few months of a new love and yet they still fit.  There isn’t another pair that has the ability to make my derriere look so delightful. Or so I have been told.

My Break-Up Jeans…….they look good as new. Well, maybe not new. But I don’t want new.
I want sincere, experienced, flattering, comfortable, fun, trustworthy…I can always count on them to make me happy.
They love me for me, all tears or all smiles.

Who Me?

Hollywood, I am flattered really….but I’m not so bad.

Pasadena Chalk Festival 2011

Interviewing David, Artist.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to work with MyLocalBuzzTV to host a show for the Paseo Colorado Shopping Center in Pasadena, CA.  This particular episode was about the 19th annual Pasadena Chalk Festival.  Over 600 artists participated and graced the sidewalks of Pasadena with the most beautiful chalk art I have ever seen and over 100,000 spectators attended!  It holds the Guinness World Record for the largest display of Chalk Art.
I walked around for hours with my head staring at the concrete totally floored by the masterpieces that would be washed away by the rain and wind within days. How sad and freeing at the same moment.

I spoke to people from all over the world, the artists themselves and admirers of the art alike.  One Japanese man chalked a perfect, blonde, lifelike cherub praying with a peaceful dove floating above her. He dedicated it to Japan and asked for donations to help them rebuild. It was gorgeous. Another young 11 year old little lady named Kimberly delicately painted her favorite story on the sidewalk, Alice in Wonderland. Right next to her father’s Chalk Art titled, “The Last Kiss”- he was a veteran of the festival and won awards for his use of color.
These dedicated artists toiled on their hands and knees for two days straight to entertain our eyes for a weekend. We had the chance to see each work of art progressed, the process was incredible. So many layers to each piece as well as each artist.

My favorite part of the day was hanging with the kids at the KidsChalk Corner.  One little girl really blew my mind….Delilah.
I thought she was shy.
Lovely 5 year old Delilah she was just sitting quietly waiting her turn to color and have a giggle with me. The other kids were practically pushing each other out of the way to get in front of the camera.  She was patient, not shy. I was mistaken.
Well, she sure showed me. Delilah gave me a TERRIFIC interview. Great sound bites and some fantastic footage. She was fun and silly and funny and smart and sweet.   We created chalk dolls and I wish I could’ve stayed with her longer.

The photo above was taken by a gentleman who attended the festival and tweeted it!  The power of social networking.  I love action shots, and this is one of me at work. So Thanks bud! I rarely get candid shots like this of my work.
David the artist, excuse me for not remembering his last name, created a chalk piece that had a Mexican flair! His son was depicted playing an accordion and his nephew was playing this other interesting instrument. They were floating above an open heart, half cartoon, half realistic heart. David knew and wanted everyone around him to see how important music was in his life and the lives of his family members, it is their epi-center- their beating heart.

What a fantastic day! I will definitely go next year as a spectator if I am not working the event. When I get the footage I will post it here for y’all to see!

Ohhhh YEAH!

DO NOT MESS WITH CAVALLI
“Joo wanna play rough?! Okay! Shay ello to my lil frien!!!!!”
I went to college in the Bronx, NY and literally heard gun shots every night lulling me to sleep but other than that I have never really been close to a gun before.
 This weekend friends and I ventured to the gun range. I almost chickened out when I stepped out of the car. The sound was deafening and  Nervous Nelly over here jumped every time there was a loud pop.
First up was skeet shooting with a 20 gage.  I desperately needed help loading the thing. I became very “girly” all of a sudden and quite nervous. Not a good combo.
I thought my fingers may get caught while loading the shells because the metal snaps back so quickly. My friend, Biddy, assisted me and instructed me as so….
“just slide it in..like a tampon.”
Only then did I truly understand the process.
So I was loaded. (loaded gun, not loaded wasted) Safety was off and I was prepared to yell, “PULL!”
I managed not to hit one flying orange skeet all day.
I did manage to bruise my shoulder, face and deafen my ears.
Boy, was it worth it.
The power behind that machine is unfathomable. The fact that human beings can go to a range as such and pay 20 bucks to “rent” a giant powerful man and beast killing machine, then you are driven up into the woods and they just leave you on the mountain top, 
absolute INSANITY.
Aside from how totally not okay it is that our society allows this, it was SO fun.
Then came the handguns.

I HIT a target the first time I pulled that darn trigger.
Handguns are way more my speed.
How bad ass is that pic?
SO Charlie’s Angels.
I could totally play a cop on TV.
Although I was petrified at first I was pretty proud of  myself in the end. To be honest it really put the power of these instruments into real perspective. How they get into the hands of children is unfathomable. How anyone thinks its fair to “hunt” an animal with a shotgun is gross. There is absolutely no “fair game” in that. Put a spear in your hand and ride beside the beast on a horse and then I will agree that you have the natural right to hunt for food.
OK, getting off the soapbox now.





Follow up: to addiction.

THE MAGNUM
Whomever came up with this idea is a genius. I literally picked it out of the freezer at the supermarket unconsciously. It was as if I was a zombie and Mr. King Ralph chief CEO of the ice chests called out to my subconscious to buy it.
Or maybe it was just my hormones.
It is a chocolate ice cream bar called Magnum….Double Chocolate. and the box’s description is…
“Chocolate Ice Cream dipped in a Chocolatey Coating, Chocolatey Sauce, and Belgian Milk Chocolate”
HUH?????
Sex Bomb on a stick Tom Jones take that!
When women hear the infamous word Magnum they think….
H U G E.
Pain.
Only select few.
Many women never experience a Magnum.
But now every woman can.
A massive hunk of frozen deliciousness that will satisfy your ever desire.
When I first busted open the opulent package I danced around with one of the 3 Magnums inside….I held it between my legs and romped about as if I was a 13 year old with a dangling hose, or in reality a grown woman thoroughly embarrassing herself in front of her younger beau.
He had to tell me to stop.
I was so anxious and thrilled I could not help myself.
Finally a Magnum you won’t gag on.
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