HERE COMES THE BRIDE…!!!!

I am not naked here.

DON’T give her a boring shower gift.

Showers are pretty lame as it is. Spice it up a bit. Make Granny and Aunt Trudy blush!!….Although the old timers could always teach us a thing or…ten. 

I seriously cannot handle wedding showers. Baby showers I understand, but wedding showers make my skin crawl. I am convinced that women who truly enjoy watching other women open plates and monogrammed towels… have psychotic tendencies. Gaggles of estrogen fueled relatives applauding after each item is logged for future thank you cards and consequently plopping the gifts on the side of an emaciated, nerve-wracked, sleep deprived bride-to-be. UGH. No thanks. 

Anyway…If I have to attend I prefer to gift with a “shock & awe” #DIY strategy.  So….

This particular gift was created for a very special Bestie of mine who was none of the aforementioned bridal cliches- she was just plain stunning and gracious. (and quite possibly mortified I brought way too much latex to the country club brunch:)

HERE GOES>>>

1. Get a wicker basket or a pretty box. (Bed, Bath and Beyond, flea market)

2. Go to the closest Adult Entertainment Store. Buy some goodies. Also purchase a practical registry shower gift if you so desire. 

3. Fill said basket with your Bridal Shower gift PLUS your new, fun, naughty bits.  Feel free to be creative. These are some of the things I loaded into my gift basket. (pun intended)

Super trampy Lingerie- some sweet white bridal themed and some spicy black or red.

(it doesn’t have to be expensive. I got some of this stuff at Sears. noone checks the price tag when they’re stripping ya down! And if they do.. walking down that aisle is a bad idea)

Thigh High Fishnets

Sexytime Body Feather Tickler

Humdinger Vibrating co$krings

condoms (or not)

Lube ( I recommend unrefined organic coconut oil)

G-string with a Veil on the Bum

Feather bracelets

Fuzzy Handcuffs

Sexy apron

Wine Opener

Small Cooking pans

Colorful Plastic kitchen gloves (the leopard print ones I added were super cute)

Spatulas

Kitchen Utensils

Heart shaped Candy & Suckers

Now, the main focus of my gift was a set of crystal dessert bowls (on the registry) which I buried amongst the fun stuff. Then I added a “Recipe for a Sweet and Spicy Marriage”…a poem of saucy, sexy things one could do to their future hubby in private. (or public if that’s their thing) I wrote it out on the RECIPE Card that was sent in the mail. Ya know the one the shower organizer sends you with the invitation expecting it back with a real food recipe written on it for the Bride’s collection that she may or may never look at…ever.

Like this one…..

This bridal shower gift was a HUGE hit. It was the second time I have done this. I definitely takes a lot of sass to show up to an event with this in your arms. 

BEWARE of Bridal showers that have CHILDREN IN ATTENDANCE!!!!!! The little buggers tend to gravitate straight towards the HUMDINGERS…..and it can be awkward explaining your way out of that hairy pickle. Hee hee.

REMEMBER To pick up a few things for yourself too!